I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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