I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
