You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
