Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
