My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
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I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
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it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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