so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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