They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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