how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
