The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
