Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
