I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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