You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
