I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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