I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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