So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just had sex on a roof
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
