I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
