Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize