You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
