I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
