I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
