I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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