I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
