I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
