he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
