Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
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My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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