Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
you never un-have a 4some
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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