Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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