im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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