Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
