I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
