So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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