i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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