our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
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He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
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I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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