My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
