One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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