Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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