at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
