They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
