I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
