Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
