New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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