I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
being pregnant is like rehab
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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