sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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