I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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