yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
