I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
