i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
