there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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