'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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