peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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