we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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