so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
