oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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