Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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