I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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