You're completely useless in the revolution.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
