It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
