You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
