ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
it's great music for shaving your balls
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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