i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
