Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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