Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
