he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
