Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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