And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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