I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
