I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
