I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
