i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude i'm inner monologue high
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
