theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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