I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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