I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
They are going to name an STD after you.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
