Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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