Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize