I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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