Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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