Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
